Discover how comparing yourself stops your success as a mom blogger, and what to do instead. These are my best tips to help you stop comparing yourself and achieve more success as a mom blogger and business builder.
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Recently I was doing some research and came across a friend’s blog. I’m familiar with her blog and I know it shares similarities with my own. I’ve been thinking about creating a new free gift offer to build my own list and when I saw what she was offering I imagined what success she must be having with it.
That’s when I immediately began comparing myself. I fell right into the comparison trap.
Now fully in comparison mode, I was feeling bad about myself and my blog. “Why didn’t I think to offer something like that?” I asked myself.
I started brainstorming how I could create my own version of that kind of free gift. Giving it some thought over the next 24 hours, feeling stuck deep in the comparison trap, I wasn’t excited or inspired, and struggled to come up with something unique based on the perceived success of my colleague.
Comparing Yourself Stops Your Success
Finally my own inner business coach spoke up, urging me to think not of myself but of my ideal reader. What does she want? What would be of the greatest value to her? That’s when I realized I was off track trying to emulate what this other coach was offering her new subscribers. Our readers are similar, but not exactly the same.
Thinking of my ideal reader – a profile of attributes that may change and evolve over the years – I was able to come up with my own idea of a free gift that would be a great fit for her.
Be True to Yourself as a Creator
If you make choices based on another blogger’s target audience instead of your own, you will either attract the wrong kinds of readers who wouldn’t be a great fit for your blog, or you will attract nobody because your choices won’t be aligned with who you genuinely are.
The only way you will find success with your blog or business is to be true to yourself. Otherwise you face burnout pretty quickly and nobody wants that. Not to mention, obviously, it’s never OK to copy someone else’s work.
Do You Have a Habit of Comparing Yourself?
Have you let the comparison trap hurt your blogging success? How often do you find yourself looking at what your fellow bloggers are creating and decide you’re failing by comparison?
It’s time to stop comparing yourself and look inward instead, if you want to be successful as a mom blogger.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
– Theodore Roosevelt
Tips to Help You Stop Comparing Yourself
Start with a Reality Check
You never really know who you’re comparing yourself with. Unless you’re intimately familiar with the behind the scenes of her business, including the contents of her bank accounts, you don’t really know how another blogger or business owner is really doing.
It’s easy to assume another mom blogger is doing well based on how visible you perceive her to be. The truth is, you might be surprised if you really knew.
There are plenty of successful bloggers and business owners, but they don’t always look the way you think. Just because a blogger has a gorgeous website, a large social media following and looks happy in every photo she posts, doesn’t necessarily mean she’s earning enough income to support her lifestyle. It doesn’t mean that she feels fulfilled.
Sure, she might be gloriously successful and incredibly happy, but you never really know. And that’s the point.
You’re only seeing the highlight reel, especially on social media. If someone’s posts regularly trigger your self doubts and send you straight into the comparison trap, it’s time to unfollow, or turn them into something inspiring.
Set Clear Goals for Yourself
Be mindful of what triggers you most, especially while you’re scrolling through social media noticing your peer’s success (or appearance of success). What do you long for? Is it their travels? The time they spend with their kids? The fashionable clothing they wear? Their apparent level of health and fitness?
Create personal goals based on what triggers you and begin working towards them. You can use Pinterest to create a private inspiration board and keep yourself on track. And spend less time on social media so you aren’t triggered so often.
Read How to Stay Focused as a New Blogger + Free Checklist
Practice Daily Gratitude
Take a minute and have a look back at your own social media highlight reel and revel in the joy you see in your own photos and status updates. Breathe it in and be reminded of how much you already have to be grateful for.
It can be helpful to develop a regular practice of feeling gratitude. You may start or end each day writing in a journal 5-10 things you are grateful for each and every day. Look at every area of your life and you are sure to find so much to be grateful for, even the littlest things.
And as your blogging success grows, you’ll have new additions to jot down in your gratitude journal such as “reached 500 email subscribers today” or “made my first $100 in affiliate sales“.
Read Why Email Marketing for Bloggers Matters (and How to Start for Free)
Read Affiliate Marketing Basics for Bloggers
Consider Where You are on Your Blogging Journey
It’s so easy to look at a successful blogger or business owner and all the great courses she’s selling, her incredible Pinterest graphics, and thousands of Twitter followers, and feel awful about your 20 blog posts and teeny tiny list. Remember, it’s a journey. She had to start from nothing too.
Is she already 3 years into running her blog? Was she able to devote 5-6 hours a day every day to her online business from the start, while maybe you only have 2 hours at night after the kids get to bed? Are you comparing your first ever blog to her 5th? Well, of course, she’ll win those comparisons!
If you love what another blogger is doing, congratulations, you’re inspired! Follow her on social media, join her list, comment on her posts, get to know her. For the most part, the blogosphere is very collaborative, so she is not your competition, only your inspiration and maybe even a mentor.
As you study her incredible success, make note of what you’d like to emulate in your own way, on your blogging journey.
Read Best Resources for Bloggers (Including the FREE ones!)
There’s Only One Valuable Comparison to Be Made
It seems impossible to avoid comparing yourself to other bloggers and online business owners, but there is little to be gained. The only valuable comparison you can make is with your past self.
Notice how far you’ve come since this time last month or last year. What have you accomplished? Did you have successes or failures? What did you learn from them?
Where do you want to be one year from now? Check in with yourself on a regular basis – try monthly or quarterly – to keep you moving forward towards your goals.
Know Yourself and Your Ideal Reader
This is the best piece of blogging and business building advice I can give you: know yourself and know your ideal reader.
As you stop comparing yourself and become more conscious of what sends you into the comparison trap, there will be more quiet. Use it to work on discovering your own unique voice as a mom blogger, clarifying your message and knowing who your ideal reader is.
It’s much easier to get clear when you stop focusing on what everyone else is doing. Until you stop comparing yourself, you’ll never have the success you desire.
Remember, your ideal reader will evolve over time and it’s important to revisit this regularly.
Read How to Stay Focused as a New Blogger + Free Checklist
Conclusion
Comparing yourself stops your success by lowering your energy, triggering self doubt and feeding a sense of longing. None of these states of being will get you writing, creating or reaching out to your ideal readers.
It’s much easier to create from a place of peace and joy if you wish to achieve success when you start a blog or build a business. Cultivate positive energy and gratitude instead, and start your work from there. Turn away from comparing yourself to other bloggers, revisit your goals, and get to work.
Read Start a Blog the Right Way: Easy 7 Step Guide
I’d love to know how you feel
What helps you break free from comparing yourself? What are you most grateful for right now on your blogging or business building journey? Comment below!
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Heather Cottrell is a single mom blogger, business coach and marketing professional. She started her first business and blog in 2005 as a health coach, and years later evolved into a WordPress web designer and business coach for women wellness coaches. In 2020 Heather launched Single Mom Bloggers to help stressed moms create freedom with a blog or business to make money working from home. Learn more about Heather Cottrell here and at HeatherCottrell.com.
Lovely post! Very helpful. I am guilty of comparing my blog to others and always end up feeling demotivated when I feel like I don’t stack up. But it really doesn’t make any sense to compare ourselves with others. Instead, we must strive to improve ourselves. I like how you put the focus on the ideal reader as well! Thanks for sharing! 🙂
So glad you found it helpful Kathleen! Thinking of your reader’s needs will help you get out of your own way and back to creating!
“The only valuable comparison you can make is with your past self…” LOVE THIS! I have literally allowed myself to overanalyze and compare too much and you’re so right, it stops your own success and just waste such valuable time. Great posts and great looking site!
Thank you so much for your comment Nichole! I think you can see, I write from experience. I’m guilty of getting stuck in overanalyzing too, and it just holds us back. Keep moving forward!
Wow, have you read my thoughts? I stopped from starting a blog for years because I compared myself to others. Then when I finally got the nerve to do it I didn’t because my sister started a blog and things hit the fan. When I finally did, I had to remind myself that my sister has several years on me, she’s going to may more social media followers, subscribers and experience under her belt. I also had to remember while she and I are SO alike, we are very different in the way we approach things. I had to keep reminding myself that as I have begun to build my blog. Thanks for this reminder and the helpful tips!
That is such a great point – to remember how many years of hard work another blogger has already put into their site – and there’s no reason to compare yourself when you know your journey must be your own – different and special in so many ways.
I LOVE this! Something that we all occasionally struggle with. Thanks for the tips in what to do when you catch yourself in the comparison game! I always remind myself that there is only one me there is no one else out there that is the same as me and I have unique gifts to offer! Thanks for the Inspiration!
Exactly right Jennifer! There is only one you and your talents are valuable and needed.
Thank you so much for sharing your thought on this. Apt! I have been guilty of this severally but just like you mentioned, instead of comparing myself to others, I now compare myself with my old self. I started a blog before which didn’t work, starting a new one, I discovered that I am now experienced. So, I am better off than I was when I started blogging. I know my future self will fare better
That’s right – you got it! No matter what we did in the past, we’re more experienced now and we know we’ll do better.
I’m a Unschooler… So I get the comparison trap. So nice to know I’m not alone in my feelings of self doubt!
You’re definitely not alone!
In the beginning it’s going to be hard not to compare yourself to other bloggers. I feel like the further into this journey I go, the more confident I will be in myself and my abilities as a blogger.
Yes, it’s hard but the more aware you are of the potential downside, the more you will be able to stay focused on your own success.
This is really important. I have learned that there is enough room out there for every one to have a voice and its okay!
Yes, we can all succeed!
Perfect advice, beginners and experienced bloggers alike need to be true to themselves and stop the comparison game.
Thank you!
Great piece! We need to think about what were doing and how were doing 🙂
Thank you – I’m so glad you found it helpful!
I did! Your welcome!
I needed to read this today! Keep thinking to throw it all away and focus on something else – but know I can do this.
Yes of course you can! Stay the course, focus on your own journey, your own goals, and you’ll get there.
Great advice – especially the gratitude journal!
Inspiring post! Gratitude is one of the best tips you could give! When you have more gratitude you receive more!❤
Great post! I notice that I do this too and it’s not helpful at all. Thanks again for the reminder!
I have identical twins, so they (and other people) constantly compare themselves to each other. Encouraging them to see themselves as individuals, rather than half of a whole, is a slow but worthwhile journey.
This is what has haulted me as a blogger, I constantly remind myself that their journey is not my journey and everything will happen when it’s supposed to for me.
So important, but also so hard to do sometimes. I always try to remind myself that comparison is the thief of joy, but it still keeps creeping in anyway.
I hear you – it’s not always easy!
Great mindset! It is one thing to aspire to be like someone else or try to get ideas from others, but once you start comparing yourself to others it turns negative really quick. My husband is big on not letting things get to that point.
Yep, you’re right Eva, it’s all about mindset! We’re all likely to veer towards comparing ourselves, but being aware of the tendency and breaking out of the habit is so important.
Great post! Definitely whatI needed to read today. The comparison struggle is REAL.